Brittany's Journey From Big B To Little B
![Picture](/uploads/5/5/5/8/5558736/7561088.jpg?453)
The Beginning
Hello My Name Is Brittany. I am 17 years old and I am currently considered Obese. The ideal weight for a 17 year old female is betwen 117 and 156. I am currently at 279 pounds. I have never ever in my whole life told anyone my weight. I am embarassed. I truly am. I have been picked on for my whole life because I was never a "skinny", "tiny", or "small" girl. The highest weight I have ever been at was taking place on May 25th, 2012. I stepped on the scale and it reached 284 pounds. That is 16 pounds away from 300. that is the highest I have ever been. My heart broke into a thousands pieces, I wanted to sit there and cry in a corner. I wanted to run away from my fears, which was weigh. And Clowns, but that has nothing to do with it :) Haha. I have struggled all my life with my weight. I always said I was going to lose it, but there was one thing that got in my way. And that thing was people. People would discourage me, call me names, make fun of me, say I couldn't do it. Who had the right to tell me that I couldn't lose weight? I started to believe them. I was letting them get to me. So I ignored my weight and did what I wanted to do. I ate what I wanted to eat, I didn't excercise cause I didn't want to. I was living my life how I wanted it to be. That's a good thing, to an extent. I wasn't in control anymore, my mind was taking control and I wasnt getting it back. If I was bored what would I do? I would eat, eat and eat. These things all led up to me weighing as much as I ever did. Me not taking control, and people getting to me.
Everyone is going to run into "haters" in their lives. There will always be people sitting there trying to bring you down. It sucks but it happens. Walking in the hallway, and people staring at you, trying to think what their thinking, or whispering. "Fatass, ugly, gross, shes a whale, beachwhale, fat hoe, she can't get any, she's not good enough, I would never date her, she should go kill herself." I have had all these said to me, and said about me. All because I am overweight. I am not dissapointed in who I am, I am not ashamed of what people think. I have ashamed of what I let myself become. Fat.
The whole point of this blog, is to help me keep track of what I am doing with my weight goals. I am going to proove people wrong who ever doubted me and losing weight. I am going to proove them wrong but more importantly I am going to proove myself wrong, that I can be WHO I WANT to be. Who I want to look like in the mirror. Going to the mirror is always something I fear. Zits, scars, uglyness, ect. All of these have happened to me at times, I have felt these things. Who hasn't. Everyone goes through difficulties in their lives. Different from others. My struggle is my weight.
It started getting really bad, when I went through deppression about 4 or 5 years ago, and things kept happening and I kept eating cause I was depressed. I was sexually assulted when I was 15 years old I thought it was my fault. It wasnt., I kept getting bullied, Kept getting called names, I would always be down on myself, calling myself names. Thinking I wasn't good enough. Family issues were happening but everyone has those. I was getting upset cause we were running low on money, and I felt like it was somewhat my fault, cause I are alot, and my clothes were extra cause I was bigger. These feelings were running through my head. The next year I started to try and lose weight. I had people who supported me but it wasnt enough, cause all those "haters" go the best of me. My grandmother died a year later, I wasnt close with her, but she was still family, my cousins also left for Germany and I was super close with them. I missed them alot, all these things happening to me, I kept getting discouraged thinking this is my life, it sucks. I deserve this. I deserve to be fat. Then this last year was the worst, I had four best friends, we started seperating, people were fighting, sides were being taking. I felt like I was alone because, my best friends were all seperating. Then the summer came, the worst summer of my life.. My really close friends ( that i gained after the fighting got annoying and to the point that I couldnt take it anymore) graduated, I felt alone. I didnt have many friends, I was a people person but didn't have many close or true friends. My one best friend, left for the airforce, we didn't really talk, I lost something I can never get back, My grandmother that lives with us got diagnosed with cancer (she is doing very well now), my two dogs I grew up with passed away, and I found out I had a sister after 17 years. That was very hard for me. I am not asking for sympathy, I am not asking for anything like that. I was going through depression, I started having suicidal thoughts, thinking I didn't belong. I wasn't good enough, I was gross, I was ugly, I was fat. I kept eating and not doing anything. My mom and dad were very worried about me. They wanted me to get help.
Things after a couple months of therapy got better, then they started getting worse. Except how I started going to Auburn, I made tons of new friends, and a new family. Also I gained a couple of new best friends. My best friend Kacey has been there for me through alot, the whole depression thing, she was there. Dj was also there alot during that summer, I would call him no matter what time of day or night it was. He would calm me down, talk me out of doing stupid things, making me feel better, and just being there. At auburn, I gained alot of people that I am looking forward to spending my senior year with. Anyways they were there for me as well always supporting me and helping me out. I had to attened three funerals in three months. It was hard, then things started lighting up. I was getting a little better, eating better and what not. Then January 10th,2012 came around. I woke up thinking it was a normal day. 5 hours into it I found out my best friend Duane"DJ" Merriman passed away that morning. I was devestated, I had no idea what to do or think, or anything for that matter. I went home early that day crying my eyes out, it didn't seem real. He was gone. Like a bubble popping infront of you. My rock was gone, he left. It was his time to go. Let's just say I lost it big time, my depression just took control over night. You think to yourself that can't happen to me, that only happens in movies. It does happen, anything can happen.
I have let go of myself ever since Dj's funeral. I feel alone, lost, confused, depressed, angry, upset. Mixed emotions. Anything and everything. The weight that I am holding onto my body, is just an image. An image I can change, if I just put 110% and confidence in myself. Its hard and its not going to be easy, far from. I am not blaming all these bad things that has happened to me, on my weight. I blame myself, I put it on the wrong way so I have to take it off the right way. The quote I posted in the picture box. Is something I want you who is reading this, to think about it. Its not just for a weight issue, it is for everyday issues we all face. In the end it is going to be worth it, we will feel better about ourself. My goal by this time next year is to be down to 156 pounds. the lowest I have ever been as a teenager. And I will reach that goal. I am going to post in this blog everyday or every other day. To let people know how my progress is going. I am not on a diet, I am changing my lifestyle. Drinking a gallon of water a day. ( I know alot, but its not as hard as it sounds) Excercising alot. At least 5 times a week. I have done it so far. I lost 6 pounds in 3 days! It takes works but, it is going to be worth it in the end. Just think when you work out, and your sweating.. that is fat crying because its dissapearing and there isnt a place for it anymore :) I wanted to thank you for taking the time and reading this opening passage to my blog, I am hoping you countinue. And if you have any questions, contact on facebook https://www.facebook.com/#!/BrittanyCosper or my email is [email protected] I will answer everything and anything.
If someone is interested in this lifestyle change, just contact me and let me know. I will be glad to help, and you won't do it by yourself, I will do it with you. Support is one of the top things you need. So I hope you enjoy! :)
Ps. This ISN'T the end, this is only a new beginning :)
Hello My Name Is Brittany. I am 17 years old and I am currently considered Obese. The ideal weight for a 17 year old female is betwen 117 and 156. I am currently at 279 pounds. I have never ever in my whole life told anyone my weight. I am embarassed. I truly am. I have been picked on for my whole life because I was never a "skinny", "tiny", or "small" girl. The highest weight I have ever been at was taking place on May 25th, 2012. I stepped on the scale and it reached 284 pounds. That is 16 pounds away from 300. that is the highest I have ever been. My heart broke into a thousands pieces, I wanted to sit there and cry in a corner. I wanted to run away from my fears, which was weigh. And Clowns, but that has nothing to do with it :) Haha. I have struggled all my life with my weight. I always said I was going to lose it, but there was one thing that got in my way. And that thing was people. People would discourage me, call me names, make fun of me, say I couldn't do it. Who had the right to tell me that I couldn't lose weight? I started to believe them. I was letting them get to me. So I ignored my weight and did what I wanted to do. I ate what I wanted to eat, I didn't excercise cause I didn't want to. I was living my life how I wanted it to be. That's a good thing, to an extent. I wasn't in control anymore, my mind was taking control and I wasnt getting it back. If I was bored what would I do? I would eat, eat and eat. These things all led up to me weighing as much as I ever did. Me not taking control, and people getting to me.
Everyone is going to run into "haters" in their lives. There will always be people sitting there trying to bring you down. It sucks but it happens. Walking in the hallway, and people staring at you, trying to think what their thinking, or whispering. "Fatass, ugly, gross, shes a whale, beachwhale, fat hoe, she can't get any, she's not good enough, I would never date her, she should go kill herself." I have had all these said to me, and said about me. All because I am overweight. I am not dissapointed in who I am, I am not ashamed of what people think. I have ashamed of what I let myself become. Fat.
The whole point of this blog, is to help me keep track of what I am doing with my weight goals. I am going to proove people wrong who ever doubted me and losing weight. I am going to proove them wrong but more importantly I am going to proove myself wrong, that I can be WHO I WANT to be. Who I want to look like in the mirror. Going to the mirror is always something I fear. Zits, scars, uglyness, ect. All of these have happened to me at times, I have felt these things. Who hasn't. Everyone goes through difficulties in their lives. Different from others. My struggle is my weight.
It started getting really bad, when I went through deppression about 4 or 5 years ago, and things kept happening and I kept eating cause I was depressed. I was sexually assulted when I was 15 years old I thought it was my fault. It wasnt., I kept getting bullied, Kept getting called names, I would always be down on myself, calling myself names. Thinking I wasn't good enough. Family issues were happening but everyone has those. I was getting upset cause we were running low on money, and I felt like it was somewhat my fault, cause I are alot, and my clothes were extra cause I was bigger. These feelings were running through my head. The next year I started to try and lose weight. I had people who supported me but it wasnt enough, cause all those "haters" go the best of me. My grandmother died a year later, I wasnt close with her, but she was still family, my cousins also left for Germany and I was super close with them. I missed them alot, all these things happening to me, I kept getting discouraged thinking this is my life, it sucks. I deserve this. I deserve to be fat. Then this last year was the worst, I had four best friends, we started seperating, people were fighting, sides were being taking. I felt like I was alone because, my best friends were all seperating. Then the summer came, the worst summer of my life.. My really close friends ( that i gained after the fighting got annoying and to the point that I couldnt take it anymore) graduated, I felt alone. I didnt have many friends, I was a people person but didn't have many close or true friends. My one best friend, left for the airforce, we didn't really talk, I lost something I can never get back, My grandmother that lives with us got diagnosed with cancer (she is doing very well now), my two dogs I grew up with passed away, and I found out I had a sister after 17 years. That was very hard for me. I am not asking for sympathy, I am not asking for anything like that. I was going through depression, I started having suicidal thoughts, thinking I didn't belong. I wasn't good enough, I was gross, I was ugly, I was fat. I kept eating and not doing anything. My mom and dad were very worried about me. They wanted me to get help.
Things after a couple months of therapy got better, then they started getting worse. Except how I started going to Auburn, I made tons of new friends, and a new family. Also I gained a couple of new best friends. My best friend Kacey has been there for me through alot, the whole depression thing, she was there. Dj was also there alot during that summer, I would call him no matter what time of day or night it was. He would calm me down, talk me out of doing stupid things, making me feel better, and just being there. At auburn, I gained alot of people that I am looking forward to spending my senior year with. Anyways they were there for me as well always supporting me and helping me out. I had to attened three funerals in three months. It was hard, then things started lighting up. I was getting a little better, eating better and what not. Then January 10th,2012 came around. I woke up thinking it was a normal day. 5 hours into it I found out my best friend Duane"DJ" Merriman passed away that morning. I was devestated, I had no idea what to do or think, or anything for that matter. I went home early that day crying my eyes out, it didn't seem real. He was gone. Like a bubble popping infront of you. My rock was gone, he left. It was his time to go. Let's just say I lost it big time, my depression just took control over night. You think to yourself that can't happen to me, that only happens in movies. It does happen, anything can happen.
I have let go of myself ever since Dj's funeral. I feel alone, lost, confused, depressed, angry, upset. Mixed emotions. Anything and everything. The weight that I am holding onto my body, is just an image. An image I can change, if I just put 110% and confidence in myself. Its hard and its not going to be easy, far from. I am not blaming all these bad things that has happened to me, on my weight. I blame myself, I put it on the wrong way so I have to take it off the right way. The quote I posted in the picture box. Is something I want you who is reading this, to think about it. Its not just for a weight issue, it is for everyday issues we all face. In the end it is going to be worth it, we will feel better about ourself. My goal by this time next year is to be down to 156 pounds. the lowest I have ever been as a teenager. And I will reach that goal. I am going to post in this blog everyday or every other day. To let people know how my progress is going. I am not on a diet, I am changing my lifestyle. Drinking a gallon of water a day. ( I know alot, but its not as hard as it sounds) Excercising alot. At least 5 times a week. I have done it so far. I lost 6 pounds in 3 days! It takes works but, it is going to be worth it in the end. Just think when you work out, and your sweating.. that is fat crying because its dissapearing and there isnt a place for it anymore :) I wanted to thank you for taking the time and reading this opening passage to my blog, I am hoping you countinue. And if you have any questions, contact on facebook https://www.facebook.com/#!/BrittanyCosper or my email is [email protected] I will answer everything and anything.
If someone is interested in this lifestyle change, just contact me and let me know. I will be glad to help, and you won't do it by yourself, I will do it with you. Support is one of the top things you need. So I hope you enjoy! :)
Ps. This ISN'T the end, this is only a new beginning :)